This is the basic question most women have. As we age, the traits we desire in a partner may shift. Let’s face it: we aren’t teenagers anymore! We’re not looking for the guy with the coolest ride or the sexiest hair.
What kind of relationship are you in right now? Are you single or maybe just casually dating someone who isn’t serious? Maybe you’re in a stale relationship that is slowly fading and you’re looking for an out.
Whatever your current situation, if you are reading this book, you are clearly looking for something more.
What You Want:
There are many different attributes a man might have that you want. Your job is to prioritize them and try to have some area of compromise in areas that aren’t as crucial to you.
- What kind of work does he do?
- Are you looking for a man who is motivated in his work life? Well, don’t look for the guy who is bouncing around from job to job or is “shopping” for the next best thing.
- Align your goals with his. Do you want to work if you were to get married? Do you want to stay home if you eventually have children? Think about your long-term career goals and ask him about his.
- DO NOT ask him about his salary. It’s safe to say, if he’s working as a barista, he might not be “the one.” If he has a degree and a decent job, it’s safe to assume he has a reliable income.
- What is his personality like?
- When you think about your dream man, what type of personality does he have? Is he smart? Witty? Conceited?
- Make a list of personality traits you are looking for and rank them from most to least important.
- Learn to work with minor personality flaws, but by NO MEANS compromise if a man seems verbally or physically abusive. Know when to play it safe.
- If you want a long-term relationship, don’t go for guys who seem like they are “players.” There is no hope for a “player” to settle down anytime soon. You might as well forget him.
- What baggage is he allowed to have?
- Honey, we all have baggage. You need to decide what you are willing to put up with from a man’s past.
- Also look at what baggage you are carrying that you will ask him to accept.
- Does he have an ex? Or two? (God forbid.)
- Does he have a couple of kids?
- Figure out if you are accepting of these things and what are deal-breakers. If you do not have any interest in having children, you might not want to force it to work with a man who already has two or three kids.
- His physical traits are important too.
- Please believe that this is not a vain requirement to have. No one will fault you if they try to set you up and you say, “Sorry, Tiffany, he is just not my type.”
- A man must have good looks (according to your own taste) for you to be attracted to him. Period.
- If you meet a man online and he is not as physically attractive as you were hoping, don’t try to force it to work.
- Every woman has her standards, and it’s up to you to decide what physical traits are important to you.
- Hygiene also plays a role in physical attraction. You want a man who takes care of himself and keeps himself clean and well-groomed.
All of these points are good to get you started, but it’s important to prioritize what you want. When you make a list, it lays it all out in the open.
As you make a list, you might even see that you have requirements that you never knew where actually important to you. Maybe you had considered them in your subconscious, but never realized you were actually filtering men out.
Why You Don’t Have It Yet
This is the million-dollar question and what you want to know more than anything else! Why is it that you haven’t found what you want yet?
Some women have never made a list of their romantic priorities. How are you supposed to find the man of your dreams if you don’t even know what you are looking for?
Sometimes there is just perfect timing. Maybe earlier in your life you weren’t mature enough to find the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s possible you went through a whirlwind romance early in your adult life, and it ended in a divorce.
Whatever the reason for you being single and or unhappy with men at the moment, do not fear! Everyone has their chance, and you can find someone worthwhile with the right tools.
It’s up to you to decide how to change your current situation. It might be that you have to dump the lame guy you’re with right now, or you might think about laying down expectations.
Try going out on the prowl for new men. Go somewhere new with some girlfriends, and make yourself available. Don’t be Debbie Downer! Be positive and happy, but be yourself too. Maybe you need a mini-makeover because you have gotten into a rut. Whatever it is that might help you, do it!