Are you dealing with a commitmentphobe? Have you been dating someone for a long time and are wondering why he hasn’t taken the relationship to the next level with you? Are you wondering why the man you are dating hasn’t even suggested a commitment with you? It’s not you, it’s them. But there are secrets to unlocking even the most phobic commitmentphobe. Knowing these secrets can help you help him take that relationship to the level that you both know you want.
• Attraction. Attraction is obviously a necessary factor in every relationship, but this notion goes beyond simple hip-to-waist ratios. Do you take care of yourself? Are you healthy overall? Do you constantly strive to look in a way that will make him feel proud to be with you? Although he will never say so, when he’s thinking about taking that next step, just like you he’s wondering what the kids will look like, and most importantly, how you will take care of them. How you take care of yourself is his first clue to making that commitment.
• Being with you is “easy.” This means no drama, no pressure, no anything that makes him sweat. It’s just easy being with you. It’s not any different than the way you choose your best friends. It’s easy being with them—you can be yourself with them and that’s why you love them. When you feel this, you want to be around them more. So, when he feels it with you, so too will he.
• You make him feel amazing. You love to get compliments, but that job doesn’t just fall in his court. When he always feels amazing around you, he will want to be with you more. Oddly enough this is also a number one reason why men cheat—because the person they did commit to stopped doing this for them. Men have fragile egos, which means their ego button can easily be pushed by anyone, whether they are committed or not. Push that ego button as often as you can if you want him to stick around or take things up a notch.
• He knows he makes her happy. Pleasing a woman is a man’s job, and men at every level of society feel an ego boost and a sense of accomplishment when they know they have made their woman happy. If you are always complaining around him, he won’t want to commit, because he won’t feel he’s doing a good enough job of this with you. If he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is good enough to make you happy, he will want to stick around.
• You are different. Any man who does and says the right things to a girl can get her in bed, on a date or wherever he wants. Enter the players of the world. The man that wants to commit, wants a girl that isn’t so easily swayed. You hear men talking about why they finally proposed all the time: “She was just … different than any other girl I dated.” She’s unique, she’s different, she’s just … I don’t know but I know there’s nobody else like her. This quality is seen by men when she creates mystery and doesn’t act like a drama queen.
• She shares feelings easily. Men know that women are the emotive group of the species, and that they have more skills in discussing these feelings. But that doesn’t mean that men don’t have feelings either—they just aren’t as quick to express them. When she is able to share her feelings easily with no expectations or pressure, he is more interested in doing the same. It’s not unlike his fears that he had when first asking you out. If he thinks you are going to say no, he won’t do it. The same goes for commitment. If you are too busy playing the aloof cool girl, he will wander off until he finds someone who he knows will share his feelings with him.
• She doesn’t try to convince him that he needs to. Relationships do not move to the next level based on one conversation. They move to that level because of all of the aforementioned variables rolled into one. Over time, this woman has become someone who made him feel amazing and who he doesn’t want to lose. He does not decide to commit because you sat him down with The Talk and showed him two options remaining for your relationship.
The Bottom Line
When it comes to commitment, it is easy to say that every man is different. But the truth is, we humans all function and behave in the same manner when it comes to these things. That which makes us feel good, we gravitate towards. That which makes us feel bad, we move away from. Even self-professed commitmentphobes aren’t really phobic about commitment; it’s human nature to want to be with one person forever. They are simply afraid of being with the wrong person forever, just like you. Getting him to commit is not about planning a special night and one conversation, it’s about creating the relationship that makes him feel the way you want him to feel for the rest of your lives together.