Have you ever been itching to get inside a woman’s mind and know exactly what she’s thinking? Well, mind reading isn’t something you’re going to learn in this book (sorry if you were expecting that). But as you’re about to discover, most women are driven by the same basic motives. Once you know what they are, you’ll be able to connect with just about any women.
Now, in case you haven’t noticed this, women are different than us. Sometimes it’s like they’re from an entire other planet and they speak a different language. But understanding women isn’t really that difficult, it’s just different. It basically requires you to understand the two basic ways in which women think different than us.
#1 How Women Get Their Way
Women don’t influence others the same way men do. They can’t. They’re weaker than we are physically and for this reason, many men (and some women) assume this means that they can easily overpower a woman through intimidation. This means that if a woman wants to get her way, she has to resort to other methods. The most common of these is through the manipulation of people’s emotions. Aka: drama.
For example, when a woman gets mad at you when you don’t do what she wants, claiming that you “made her mad.” Did you really make her mad? No. She’s a grown woman and she’s in control of your emotions. But men are real suckers for drama because they believe that they take responsibility for a woman’s emotional states. They do things (or don’t do them) to avoid “making” a woman feel sad, upset, jealous, angry, pouty, insecure, stupid or some other dramatic emotional state.
It’s really kind of funny when you think about it. A woman can literally overpower a man using drama. And who can blame them? It’s been their only option for a very long time. They’re not only physically weaker, but for thousands of years they’ve been deprived of the positions of authority and forced to resort to more unconventional ways of asserting power over men. And as I’m sure you’ve noticed, they’ve gotten this down to a science.
Now let’s clear something up before we continue: there’s really nothing wrong with manipulating people or with using drama to do it. We ALL use manipulation to get what we want. Some people call it inspiration or influence. But in any case, we’re never forcing the person to respond to us.
In fact, men are more likely to use intimidation to get what they want, which is much more forceful than drama. So there’s no point in hating women for using drama to get what they want. Instead, we’re going to use this knowledge to increase your options for getting better results in your interactions with women.
And that begins with understanding this: you’re never going to find a woman who is “drama free,” there’s no such thing. Women are addicted to drama because it’s a means of getting what they want. What you have to do as a man is learn how to deal with drama and keep women from using it to overpower you. And believe it or not, that’s exactly what women really want from a man…
#2 How Women Process Attraction
If that last statement puzzled you, understanding how women process attraction will clear up the confusion. This begins with understanding the one thing about women that most men have completely backwards: what women really want in a man.
First, if you’ve been asking women for advice on dating, that’s got to stop right now because you’re just going to drive yourself crazy. You might have already figured this one out.
Here’s the bottom line:
Have you ever wondered why it doesn’t seem that women know what they want from a relationship with a man? They tell you they want a nice man with good manners who knows how to treat a lady and who loves his mother. A man who’s sensitive and responsible and who opens the door for them, tells them how beautiful they are and is a great friend.
They fall madly in love with men who are unrefined, obnoxious, cocky, a bit childish and who you just look at and wonder:
“What the hell does that guy have going for him?”
Meanwhile, here you are being the nice man with good manners who knows how to treat a lady and who loves his mother. A man who’s sensitive and responsible and who opens the door for her, tells her how beautiful she is and is a great friend.
And where does that get you? A place in her life as either a “great friend,” or worse, she slowly writes you out of her life.
What in the world is that all about? You did everything according to the book. You were jus the man that she said she wanted. How come you ended up in the friend’s zone while watching her fall head over heels for that “other jerk.”
It’s because what women want isn’t what they say they want. And the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can stop getting stuck in the “friend’s zone.” Now this shouldn’t really surprise you. After all, doesn’t almost everyone say they want things which are totally contrary to what their behaviors reflect?
How many people (men and women) do you know who want to be healthy but who eat foods which are full of sugars, unhealthy fats, sodium and preservatives? How many people do you know who want to be rich but who spend their money carelessly and who can’t wait to get off work so they can go home to sit and watch TV for the rest of the day? This is because in spite of how much people want to be rich and healthy, they’re driven by deeper subconscious motives, which most people don’t take the time to understand.
I don’t say this to judge people. Most people are pretty clueless about the true motives behind their behaviors because they really believe themselves when they tell you what they want. But if you want to know the real story, look at their behaviors.
So if you want to know what women find attractive, don’t listen to what she says…look at her behaviors. Believe it or not, there is something that “jerk” has that most women are drawn to like a moth to a flame.
They make women feel safe, and they excite them.
This is an irresistible combination, because security and excitement are two of the primary emotional needs which people seek out in romantic relationships. When a man meets these two emotional needs for a woman, he ignites a powerful subconscious attraction trigger which overrides a woman’s reasoning mind.
Sound hard to believe? Just think about how men you’ve known who have abandoned their reasoning because of physical attraction to a woman. Think about how many people abandon their reasoning and eat foods that they know are bad for them because they taste good. Think of how many people who know who spend their money on things they really don’t need and end up broke, then go buy lottery tickets because they “want to be rich.”
These are all examples of how our emotional drives beat our reasoning minds into submission. And this is why “jerks” (we’ll call them Badboys) ignite subconscious attraction triggers which seem to contradict a woman’s spoken desires.
How is this?
First of all, these “Badboys” are immune to being controlled by drama, and this makes them unpredictable…which is exciting for women.
Think about it, how exciting is it for a woman when a man responds to her by doing whatever she wants because he’s afraid of “making” her feel sad, upset, jealous, angry, pouty, insecure, stupid or some other dramatic emotional state?
As you can imagine, this is pretty boring. And the more attractive a woman is, the more accustomed she is to men bowing to her whenever she uses drama to control them. And frankly, she’ okay with most men doing this because it gives her more power…she just doesn’t date these men.
She dates the men who know how to take charge and who aren’t intimidated by drama. And that’s where the need for security and safety come in.
Think about this: how secure does a woman feel to have a partner who she can bring into submission? Does this suggest that he’s weak, insecure and submissive or powerful and confident? Of course, most women would love to have a nice man with good manners who knows how to treat a lady and who loves his mother. A man who’s sensitive and responsible and who opens the door for her, tells her how beautiful she is and who is a great friend.
But most men are either one or the other: the nice guy that women say they want, or the unrefined Badboy. VERY few men can be both, and since the Badboy meets her need for safety and for excitement, she chooses him over the nice predictable man.
Now in case you missed the secret formula in hidden in the last two paragraphs, let me make this as clear as possible:
Develop the Badboy’s immunity to drama, and balance that with the manners, the sensitivity and the chivalry of the Nice Guy and you’ll truly become God’s gift to women.
There are not statistics to support this, but based on my general observations and life experience, I’d guess that kind of man is about one in a thousand at best.
We’ll get into this more in chapter four “How to Challenge Her without Losing Her.”
For now, let’s talk about where to take her on a date…