Now, in addition to these date ideas, you’re going to need some strategies for breaking the ice with your date. There’s almost nothing more awkward on a first date than clunky conversations where each person is struggling to find something to talk about. While at times this can simply mean that there’s no connection, there are other times when awkwardness comes simply from not having a good icebreaker to get things going.
The following are five ideas that you can use to start conversations that will keep both of you talking, but that aren’t too personal or intrusive…
- Ask her about where she grew up
“Where are you from?” is usually considered to be a cliché question, which most people ask just to ask it. But it actually can provide a good segue into a conversation which will tell you a lot about her background: how she grew up, her family, her interests as a child.
You begin with asking her where she’s from, but then you can ask her if she grew up there, what it was like living growing up in a place like that, what she liked about it and what she didn’t like about it.
Again, all very simple questions, but if you actually listen to her instead of trying to think of what to say next or waiting for your turn to talk, you can learn a lot about her. If the place where she grew up is different than where you meet her, you can also ask her what brought her to ____, which will provide a good segue into other conversations.
- Ask her about what she was like in High School
This can get really fun, especially if High School was a while ago. Most people change their identity quite a bit when they graduate High School and start working or go to college. So finding out what they were like in High School gets you a chance to learn some interesting things about them. You can start this kind of question out like:
“So, what were you like in High School? Were you like the prom queen, the nerd or the girl who wore black everyday and didn’t talk to anyone?”
- Ask her about where she has traveled to (other countries etc.)
You can start this ice breaker out with a question like: “So, how far out of ___ have you traveled?” or “Have you been to any other countries?”
Most people you meet don’t have the means (time freedom or money) to travel a lot, so when they get the chance to travel, it’s normally to somewhere that’s pretty important to them. So you can ask your date the same things about the places she has traveled to as the place where she grew up.
- Ask her about places she wants to travel to (other countries etc.)
This is a good follow up question to the previous icebreaker, and can tell you a lot about her interests and her dreams. Again, you follow up with questions about why she’s interested in that place and what she likes about it. You can also ask her about places that she’d like to live and why she’d like to live there.
These questions tell you a lot about what her plans might be for the future: if she wants a quiet life or a fast paced big city life.
- Ask her about her hobbies, dreams or interests
Again, these might seem cliché, but they show her that you’re actually interested in knowing something about her and they give her the opportunity to talk about something that she’s comfortable talking about. Just make sure that you’re asking them with the tone of interest and making it sound casual instead of like an interview.
Don’t just ask her: “What do you do for fun?” or “What do you do for a living?” and move on to the next question. You can normally tell a lot more about someone from digging deeper into one subject than trying to cover a lot of subjects.
If she has a dream or a hobby or something that she’s interested in, ask her why it’s important to her and what she likes about it. Ask her how long she’s been interested in it and when the moment was that she realized that she wanted to____. Showing this kind of interest will demonstrate that you‘re interested in digging deeper into her character rather than “screening her as a potential mate.”
This will also give you an idea of what her plans are for the future and help you determine if the relationship has any potential to grow.
These icebreakers and date ideas ought to be enough to set the stage for your interaction. Now, let’s look at the most important dynamic of building genuine attraction…
TIP: Notice that all of these icebreakers are questions. The best icebreaker is being a good listener. The better listener you are, the more likely your date will be to want to listen to you. She’ll probably start asking you about yourself or trying to get you to talk so that she can return the favor of listening to you.
Too many men (and people for that matter) aren’t good listeners. They wait for their turn to talk and think about all kinds of other things while the other person is talking. Because of this, the other person is also less likely to listen to them. This is death to the momentum in a conversation.