Are you looking for a man to spend the rest of your life with? First, you have to put your man on trial, meaning you have to step back and evaluate him. Decide if he’s really what you want; use your priority list from chapter one.
Is He Really What You Want?
Here’s the million-dollar question. He’s hot, he has a great job, but is he really what you want? Is he the man you described in your list from chapter one? Some compromise is fine, but learn where you can meet halfway and where you simply cannot. It’s ok to be rigid in your relationship desires, and it’s ok to say no to dating someone.
If you feel that for some reason you don’t have the chemistry you were looking for, it’s time to evaluate him. Sometimes there’s just something missing. He has really nice muscles and a cute butt, but does he have a good job that can support you and potential kids?
Maybe he has a really great job, but he’s just not all that interesting and you can’t find enough to talk about. Or maybe he is a total jerk to anyone around him (even if he’s nice to you). Learn how to evaluate men so you can decide whether to keep him or move onto the next fish in the sea.
You want to get to know him, but keep him at a distance. Don’t be the girl who instantly begins staying the night at his house and never leaves his side. Keep some mystery, and get to know him gradually so you can evaluate him at a distance.
How to Evaluate a Man
Firstly, go through your list of expectations in a man. Check off the ones he seems to have and circle the ones he does not. Are any of these crucial to you for a long-term relationship? “But it’s the honeymoon phase, I don’t want to get serious,” you say. Tough cookies, sweetie! This is for your own good.
- Does he have a good sense of reality?
So he’s always hanging with his buddies and using phrases like, “Ballin‘ outta control.” He just wants to get tattoos, even though he doesn’t own a car. Beep, beep! Warning! Step away from the man! You need someone who knows how to have fun, but who also acts mature.
Find a man who at least has some grip on reality, meaning he knows how to act responsibly and can live within his means. This man has his own responsibilities and takes care of them. He has an education and or a good job and isn’t still pursuing a lofty profession such as a pro-golfer or a singer.
Dreams are great, but you have to be realistic. Be wary of the man who also says he doesn’t have a lot of money, but keeps charging expensive dinners and buying you nice things on his credit card.
- Is he attractive?
Yes, you read that correctly! This is a must, ladies. Say your girlfriends set you up with this guy who seems amazing on paper. Turns out he’s just not your type and you are not physically attracted to him. Chances are the relationship is not going to work out for you long-term.
Does he have to look like Matt Damon or Taye Diggs? No! But you do need to have some level of physical attraction in a relationship.
- He’s a man of integrity.
This is probably the most important thing to evaluate. A man of integrity will make wise choices, even when you’re not there to look over his shoulder. How do you tell if a man has integrity? Watch him in public situations.
Does he behave nicely to people he doesn’t know or is he rude? Does he avoid helping others but always expects others to do favors for him? Is he always giving you nice things even though he doesn’t have the money (i.e, possibly stealing them)? This is not a man of integrity.
Look for someone who is genuine and generous. Men with integrity are willing to do things for other people and know how to make moral decisions. He is honest, sincere and polite with his friends and even people he doesn’t know well.
You’re In Charge ¾ Not Him
Even if he has a domineering personality, you are still in charge. You get to decide if this man stays or goes. Do not let desperation, loneliness or fear drive your decision. Also, don’t let him convince you to stay with him.
Don’t stay with a man simply because you’ve been single for five years. Don’t stay with a man just because you no longer have to eat dinner alone or go to a party alone. Also, fear can sometimes drive our choices. You are not going to be a lesser woman or be the last single woman on earth if you pass this man up. Don’t settle; find a man who truly deserves you.
Let Him Get to Know You
Play a little hard to get. Let him work some to get to know you. Make sure he knows you are worth the effort and that he will like what he sees. Just like you want to get to know him slowly, let him get to you know you slowly, as well. Keep some mystery to pique his interest and desire to learn more.
Lead him to believe there is always more to the story to share later. Keep him interested, and he will keep asking you out on dates.
What if He’s Not Worth It?
Don’t force it. If it’s not meant to be, it’s best to move on. Go back to chapter four and strut your stuff until you find yourself a keeper. There are plenty of men out there waiting to meet you. Don’t sell yourself short. You are an amazing woman worth getting to know! Any man should be happy for a chance to date you.