Most marital relationships have a lot of bumps and rough spots. Sometimes these events cause rifts that are seemingly insurmountable. When these incidents occur it takes a concentrated effort to save your marriage.
When confronted with disease in a patient, modern medicine in the developed countries of the world seeks to treat the symptoms of the affliction. Medical researchers, on the other hand, seek to find the causes of the illness, so they can prevent future outbreaks.
With your marriage, you have to treat the symptoms as well as find the causes of your marital problems. You must work on healing the symptoms of your relationship problems and then eliminate the causes so the same problems don’t recur.
If the problems in your marriage are caused by one or both of you, you have to take immediate action to change the causes of the problems. If the causes involve one or both of your actions or an indifferent attitude, this problem should be addressed jointly.
It is smart to be organized in your approach to solving marital difficulties. Make a list of the problems, the responsible party and what actions have to be taken to change the problem into a positive outcome.
Have your partner make up their own list and then have a quiet conversation and discuss each list. You should jointly decide what each of you is going to do to save your marriage (assuming that your partner is a willing participant in saving what you have together).
In most cases, using an organized approach takes some of the emotions out of the process. After you have agreed on a specific course of action, put the plan into effect immediately. Discuss your progress with your partner on a daily basis.
If you are dealing with an uncooperative partner, one who thinks he or she is the “wronged” party, then you will have to resort to other means to convince your spouse to remain in the marriage.
In this case you can present your partner with your list of what you are going to do to make your marriage better. When it is apparent that you are working to better things, you might suggest that your spouse prepare their own list.
In addition to your list of planned actions, you should also prepare a list of all the reasons to salvage your marriage. Make a balance sheet showing assets on one side and liabilities on the other. Go over it with your partner if they are willing to talk about it.
If your partner is still unwilling to discuss your problems, you might want to seek assistance from an unbiased third party like your clergyman or a close friend or couple who your partner respects and to whom they will listen. Ask this party to go over the balance sheet on your marriage with your mate.
It is much easier to remain in a situation than it is to change. Most people resist changes in their lives.
They are much more comfortable with familiar surroundings, activities and relationships.
If you show you are willing to work the kinks out of your marriage, more than likely your partner will be amenable to it as well.
If either one of you has erred greatly, you both have to be reminded that “to err is human, to forgive is divine.” Be divine.