If you’ve found “the one,” but you don’t know how he feels about you, it’s as simple as this (so pay attention): Men don’t sugarcoat their feelings. They say what they mean, and they mean what they say.
The beginning stages of a relationship are often where the confusion sets in for many women. You may try to decode this behavior when there is not much to decode at all.
Because unlike most women, men act, speak and behave from a different place ¾ a place of immediate needs and desires. On a first date, they’re not thinking about their life a year from now or what their dream wedding includes. They are thinking: “Am I turned on or turned off?”
So, what’s your love interest telling you, in so many words?
Is he avoiding your phone calls, ignoring your texts or disappearing for periods of time? Or is he going to uncharted lengths to see you as often as he can? Avoid the cat-and-mouse dating game. You don’t deserve to be with someone who’s acting loving one day and cold the next.
What you do deserve is getting leaps and bounds ahead of the communication puzzle and knowing what he’s saying when he’s not saying a thing. Here are some tips on deciphering what and how he feels about you and how to communicate with them ¾ not against them, once and for all.
When He’s Hot for You, You’ll Know It
Men don’t always know when to make a move on a woman they like, but when they really like her, they will find a way to let her know.
It may not always be the right time to lean in for that kiss, to wrap his arm around her or to reach for her hand, but the reality is men don’t like to waste time. They want to come forward, create an opportunity to express how they feel and get physical ¾ literally!
Pay attention to physical signs of interest ¾ a kiss, a lean in, a romantic gesture, and when that happens, you’ll know to decipher an interested man’s body language, how to get him wanting you and how to keep him wanting you bad.
End the Nonstop Nagging
What will make a man zone out emotionally or run for the hills? A woman who nags. Here’s the thing about men that you need to understand.
Men, from the time they were 3 years old to the age they are now, do not respect a woman who orders them around, criticizes them and berates them for what they aren’t doing.
Why? Because men like to feel in control. It may not always make sense, but whether or not you understand it isn’t the point. If you don’t understand this rule, you may continue jeopardizing the future of your relationships.
You don’t have to sit back, oppress your opinions and morph into a passive 1950s girlfriend. What you do need to do is listen and respond to dialogue in a new and improved way.
- Support his dreams and aspirations. Contrary to appearances, it’s very difficult for a man to open up emotionally. Telling you his dreams, desires and visions comes from a deep place.
If you laugh at his aspiration to open a cereal breakfast bar, consider yourself someone he may never open up to again.
- Put as much stock into your life, as you do his. Are you independent and comfortable with whom you are, with or without a relationship? Do you need a man or just want one? There’s a difference between being happy with yourself and needing a man to make you happy.
When you’re engaged in your own life and make an effort to stay true to yourself, your hobbies, favorite restaurants and weekend events, he’ll respect you for it ¾ and possibly, love you for it. If he doesn’t, tell yourself this: “He’s not worth my time.”
- Be positive, enthusiastic and light. How many happy men do you know who are in a relationship with a cynical, critical woman? Guess what? It doesn’t exist. Just as women do, men want to feel wanted.
When you are positive about him, he’s more likely to reciprocate that feeling. Keep the direction flowing in a positive, enthusiastic, motivating tone by refraining from talking only about yourself.
Ask him how his day went. What happened during his meeting with his boss? Staying engaged in the details of his life will help form a bond that will get him hooked on treating you as a confidant. (Tips to become his friend and lover to be addressed further in this guide.)
- Give him the opportunity to reveal who he is without scorning him along the way. A date can quickly turn into a fifth, sixth or 100th date by applying this easy rule to your dating regime: allow him to simply be as he is.
Don’t try to change him. Don’t arrogantly think you can fix him. Don’t assume you can teach an old dog new tricks. When he shows you who he is, pay attention!
If you love to workout five times a week and he loves to watch ESPN every day of the week, do not try to change his routine to please yours. Accepting this early on can improve your entire outlook on your relationship for the future.
Body Language ¾ The Bonus Communicator!
Body language varies between the genders. The good news is that you don’t have to rely on decoding his words and whether they match his actions to determine whether he’s falling in love with you or not.
You have a valuable tool at your disposal ¾ his body language. Read his actions to discover much more about him than he could ever realize you know:
- Eye contact or no eye contact? Pay attention to “Mr. Right” when talking to him face-to-face. Is he totally focused and hanging on your every word or is he darting his eyes? When he’s the wrong guy, he can be sneaky and catch a glimpse at every pretty girl walking by in one-second intervals.
If that’s what your “Mr. Right” is doing, he’s not Mr. Right at all. Your true “Mr. Right” is out there, and when you find him, his eyes should, and will be, totally fixated on yours.
- Touching your hair and raising his eyebrows. When a man is in lust and/or in love with you, you’ll get clued in by his excuse ¾ any excuse ¾ to touch you. Is he stroking your hair and ever so gently moving it out of your eyes?
If so, he’s falling hard. Keep doing what you’re doing, and keep reading to learn just what it takes to keep him falling hard, all by using your intelligence, your good looks and your charm.
- Reciprocate his smile. When you’re talking to that gorgeous and intelligent coworker tomorrow morning at the office and you repetitively get a smile throughout the conversation, consider that a good sign.
The body language of a smile could be an invitation for a first date, but don’t rush it ¾ let him make the next move.
- When he fidgets, beware. Let’s say that you’re on a third date with someone you really like. You’re connecting. The conversation is flowing, but suddenly, he begins to fidget in his seat. Not good.
Despite your good intentions, a man who squirms is responding to something that perhaps triggered a painful past memory of an ex. Respond quickly and distract him with a new conversation topic.
- Is he using his hands? If so, you’re good to go! Hand gestures are a powerful body language sign. If he’s using his hands constantly throughout your conversation, take it as an enthusiastic cue that you’re in the running for being number one in his life.
It doesn’t matter whether you barely know him or you’ve been together for quite some time. Men who use their hands exuberantly and dramatically want to be with you and show it through their hands, lips and eyes.
It’s All Within You: The Power of the Single, Independent Woman
Are you happy in a relationship or despite the relationship?
It’s an important question to ask, no matter if you’re single or waiting for his proposal. If you exude independence, you’re telling him way more than you can when discussing your past, what your dreams are or how you envision your future.
Here’s the fact of the matter: A man wants to feel needed by you, but he does not want you to be needy. There’s a monstrous difference between making him feel wanted and being needy, and this difference has the potential to be a deal breaker versus sealing the deal.
And remember: You are beautiful. You are talented. You are unique. You are intelligent. If he can’t fall in love with you for the rare find that you are, so be it. You deserve only the best.
But, if he is worth it and he’s your perfect match, it’s important to represent yourself in the best light. That means showing off your unique attributes that make you the best thing he’s ever come across and ever will. Show him that you live an independent, self-assured life with or without him ¾ no desperation included.
Consider Amy. Amy has an awesome group of tight-knit friends. When she’s single and in between relationships, she and her friends are inseparable. Together, they are fun, loyal and full of life.
Amy exercises regularly, is an avid snowboarder and kayaker, and salsa dances at her favorite club every Friday night. But when she starts dating a guy, the rest of her life stops, and shortly after the rest of her life stops, she depends on her boyfriend to fulfill her happiness.
How long do you think her boyfriend sticks around before heading off to greener pastures? Three dates, three months, maybe a year?
You’re not far off. Her average relationship lasts three months, and when it ends, she apologizes to her friends for disappearing in her latest relationship, starts up salsa dancing again, and realizes to what pattern she has succumbed.
She could have spent that time merging her life and his together in a way that worked for both of them, but instead, she let go of her independence as if it was a fleeting memory.
Don’t make the same mistake as Amy. Cling to your independence wholly and furiously. As a result, he’ll respect you for it, and if he’s worth being in a relationship with, he’ll love you for it.