Once your spouse has moved out of the house or has said “I want a divorce” or “I still love you but I’m not in love with you”, it may not seem likely that you can stop divorce from becoming a reality. This is especially true if you never saw it coming. Realistically, though, there is no marriage that has no hope of being saved as long as both members of the union are available to work on it, even though you may be the only one who wants to save your marriage at this point.
Getting divorced is one of the most significant decisions you can make in your life and you should not give in to it easily. No matter what you are feeling, it is essential to prevent emotions that either of you are feeling at the moment drive you into a divorce.
Learn to Talk Calmly
If every time you try to talk things out it turns into a yelling match, you are only going further in the wrong direction. If you are going to try to resolve things and stop divorce from being the final outcome, you are going to have to learn to have a meaningful conversation without letting your emotions take over.
You are probably feeling anger, hurt, depression, confusion, and a whole host of other emotions. But unless you can push those feelings aside, you may never find out what has led your spouse to take the steps she is taking. If she has agreed to talk with you and you genuinely want to deal with the issues and stop divorce from being the outcome, then keep these points in mind:
* Don’t yell. No matter how you feel or what you are thinking, badgering her isn’t going to make her stop divorce proceedings.
* Remember how important conversation is to getting your marriage back. If she is the one who has already moved out and filed for the divorce, then naturally there is a reason why. She didn’t just get up and decide to go file for a divorce for no reason. If you aren’t sure what that reason is, you need to find out. The only way you can do this is through a calm conversation where there is no yelling, name calling, or accusations.
* It can be difficult to stop the divorce from happening once your spouse has filed for it. The only way to do this is to persuade her to stop the proceedings that she has started. Blaming her for the issues you are having isn’t going to persuade her that things are better than she imagined and cause her to stop the divorce proceedings. The only way to convince her is to take an honest look at what the problems are with your marriage and then let her know that you understand. Consider how you can change those things to make them better. Make an honest commitment to improve your marriage.
* Agree to spend more time with your spouse and then follow through on that commitment. That means making dates to do things together that both of you enjoy and not showing up unexpectedly or interrupting her work.
It may take a while to work out the issues you have in your marriage and stop divorce from happening, but it will be worth the effort. You may end up with a much better relationship as a result. If you still have unresolved issues, you should consider marriage counseling to ensure you continue to make improvements in your marriage and stop divorce from happening in the future.