Now that you know the phases of a relationship in terms of when a man most commonly loses interest, it’s time to turn that gaze inward. Are we responsible for making him lose interest when instead he could be crazy in love?
Phase 1: The Game
As explained in the last chapter, this is the very beginning when you’re just getting to know each other. It could last for an hour, or a month ¾ however long it takes until you start going on dates.
At this point, there’s not a lot you can do to sabotage his efforts, but there are a few:
- Making overtly sexual references
- Getting sloppy drunk
- Making out with girlfriends
- Being mean (but thinking you’re playing hard to get)
If a guy is talking to you, it’s because he’s interested in you. You’re already starting out at an advantage. You just have to not mess it up.
Remember, he’s doing his man-math and deciding into which category you will be placed. If you’re into him and want a relationship, make sure you go into the girlfriend category!
By all means, be the life of the party; just make sure it doesn’t involve embarrassing photos on Facebook the next day!
Phase 2: The First Dates
Your first dates are when you really have the opportunity to pique his interest. First, you want to make a good visual impression. Although this doesn’t mean you should be dressing to the nines all the time, it does mean that every time he sees you, he should be given an immediate reminder of why he asked you out in the first place.
How you do this depends on your best attributes and your personal style, but always, always remember to be comfortable. No man is going to be interested in seeing you futz with your outfit all night or carry around those heels that are just too tall.
DO NOT keep checking your phone! Many people tend to do this out of nervousness or to fill a void in the conversation, but it’s the worst.
Plus, you don’t want to give him a chance to check his, either!
Keep eye contact, and keep the conversation interesting enough that he doesn’t even think about looking at his phone.
Another thing that so many of us do on dates is be quick to judge. Remember, kindness is one of the top attributes that interest a man.
Although it can be frustrating when forces out of your control make a date not go as planned, it’s no reason to get upset. Be nice, laugh it off and stay positive. Versatility hits all of his interest buttons.
Think of it this way: If you freak out because they didn’t put the dressing on the side, he’s not going to be interested to see how you handle a real problem down the line.
And finally there’s sex.
When you decide to have sex is totally and completely up to you. There’s no rule for it, regardless of what the magazines try to tell you.
But what you should absolutely MUST NOT DO is hop into bed with him ONLY BECAUSE you think it will keep his interest.
In far too many cases, this is exactly the point where a guy loses interest in you ¾ at least as a girlfriend.
Sometimes the chemistry can be so strong that you get it on way before you usually do. But for the most part, especially when a guy is looking for a girlfriend, he’s not going to be trying so hard to get in your pants while he’s getting to know you.
But, that’s doesn’t mean he’s going to turn you down, either.
So it’s up to you. It’s time whenever you feel comfortable. But at this phase, don’t ever fool yourself into thinking that it means he is interested in you as a girlfriend.
Phase 3: The Honeymoon
The Honeymoon phase is most commonly when couples start to have sex. Because they’ve gotten to know each other beforehand, it comes as a much greater reward, and interest levels increase on both sides.
However, it’s also where women can really make it all go wrong, and then not only does he lose interest but practically goes running out the door!
The single most common mistake is leaping into full-on committed-relationship mode.
This is so, so wrong, ladies, and so, so easy to do because we’re so happy!
So we text him silly messages (all dang day).
We pout when we can’t see him every night (not as cute as we think).
We introduce him to everybody whose opinion matters to us (awkward).
We go in heavy with the public displays of affection (too much!).
Although you’re both flying high on that love potion, he doesn’t see these things as cute. He sees them as ways we’re trying to “claim” him.
Simply put, we move too fast in the honeymoon phase, and he becomes actively disinterested in us.
So, what we need to do is take it slow:
- Limit the number of times you see him each week.
- Make sure you’re going out, not just hopping into bed.
- Calls and texts are for making plans; use them sparingly otherwise.
- Gush to a couple of close friends, but don’t make the big debut yet.
Once you’ve been dating a while, you move into the Comfort Zone. Mistakes common in this phase include:
- Whereas before nights in were spent romping, now it’s pizza and TV.
- You think nothing of greeting him at the door in sweats and a tee.
- There’s an assumption that he’s going to spend the night.
- When you go out to your regular place, it’s because you don’t have the energy to think of someplace new.
This stage is not all doldrums; it’s called The Comfort Zone for a reason.
It’s just that while you’re not an official long-term couple yet, you no longer live in fear that he’s going to vanish at any moment. You’re both confident where the relationship is heading, and so you start to relax a bit.
This is a hugely critical time. The best way to avoid a loss of interest in this phase is not to let the routine begin. If you’re not in a rut, there’s no need to dig yourself out of one!
So, make sure you’re still looking cute as a button when he comes to call. Make sure you’re still going out and about, and mix it up a bit. It doesn’t have to be all insanely glamorous evenings on the town, but even a nice walk or a date at a time you don’t usually meet up is enough to keep it interesting.
Phase 5: The Commitment
The challenge to keeping his interest in The Commitment phase is a unique one. For women, staying interested isn’t usually a problem. Once we have our guy, it’s our natural instinct to be interested in him, in every aspect.
It’s usually the guy who gets less interested because his work is done, so to speak; he can truly relax into the relationship. Unfortunately, that means he can get bored fairly quickly.
As part of a couple, we start behaving like one ¾ sometimes, too much.
We make all the plans. We remind him of important things like appointments and events. We take care of everything.
So he just goes along for the ride, until suddenly one day he is bored out of his mind and realizes his life as a couple bears little to no resemblance to his “former” life.
It isn’t that either one of you is actively sabotaging the relationship; it’s simply that you both assume roles that are not sustainable over time, and the interest plummets.
What you can do is keep the activities as similar as possible to those in the beginning of your relationship, while still advancing the emotional part of the relationship along:
- Make sure that you both spend time apart. In fact, absence does make the heart grow fonder.
- Travel together, even if it’s just for a weekend getaway. Taking yourselves out of your environment is a way to help him see you in a new way.
- Don’t assume he’s going to accept every “couple” invitation; give him the choice.
As long as you keep things fresh and new and don’t let him settle into a routine, he’ll stay interested during The Commitment phase.
Now that you know how to avoid the common pitfalls, read on to learn some proactive things you can do to make him realize you’re the only woman who truly “gets” him!